How to Deal with Anger – Angry Emotions and Behaviours
Humans have a wide range of emotions, and anger is a perfectly acceptable and common one. We all feel the need to address our frustrations, and to take quick action to alleviate our anger. But when do you know that anger is beyond your control and that you might have a real issue with anger? Find out the warning signs, and what you can do about it. Also, if you’re a parent, learn how to discern between clumsy and aggressive behavior in your child, and how you can deal with your child’s temper tantrums.
Controlling Your Anger
Sure, everyone gets mad at some time or another. But what if all you could think about was 100 ways to get even with those dirty rotten people who are ruining your life? That could be a signal that anger is affecting your life more than you think. Learn about other warning signs and ways to help deal with your anger and rage.
The breakdown of an intimate relationship sometimes creates in one of the former partners an obsession with somehow settling the score with his or her ex. They may spend countless hours planning and plotting ways to sabotage a career or to find a way to post something compromising or humiliating on the Internet for the entire world to know. And through all this emotionally painful and intense anger they seethe and boil.
Or if the targeted ex can realize that getting upset is physiologically damaging. And, if they can take a step back and reflect upon the situation, they may realize that their ex had actually done them a favor by creating a situation that allowed them to escape a horrible future.
Let’s face it: everyone gets angry. Even real-life “saints-in-training” get irked by some events that trigger an upsetting or aggressive response. Most of us will get over it; time will pass, the world goes on, and tomorrow will be another day. But for others, anger can build up over time. While it’s understandable that some of us feel betrayed and pained by the actions of others, the anger that is felt over the breakup has the potential of reaching a dangerous and serious point.
Like any emotion, anger is normal. It helps the individual in dealing with a tense or troubling situation by offering an outlet of release.
By the same token, however, too much of it bottled inside at the same time or blowing too much steam all at once, can turn anger from a healthy life management tool into an ugly problem that hurts you and those around you. Read on to learn how to let the hot air out of that angry little kettle of yours so that you can avoid reaching a breaking point. If you’re a “saint-in-training”, well then, you should also read this because you most likely have a “devil” nearby that will drive you bonkers.
While anger is normal, there are some symptoms that you should watch out for that may indicate that it is a life-interfering problem. First, you may have to address your anger if you can’t get it off your mind and your rage consumes you and spills over into other things. Maybe you can’t concentrate on getting that proposal in on the deadline because all you can think about is how the “devil” in your life was such a self-centered inconsiderate jerk. Or all you talk about to your best friend is how much you hate him or her, and all that complaining is ruining your fun times.
Second, anger could be serious if it was caused by something that happened quite a while ago and you can’t let go of it.
Third, if anger’s causing you to plot and carry out vengeful plans that hurt others, you could be looking at a problem as this isn’t a mature way of handling things, and borders on the extreme. If you actually carried out your plans and became violent, then your anger is leading you too far over the emotional cliff.
Too much or inappropriate anger can lead to serious detrimental effects. In terms of physical health, it can result in ulcers and heart disease. And with emotional well-being, it could affect your relationships with those around you, your career, and other important institutions in your life. But there are some strategies you can employ to help identify and resolve your anger during the actual moment, and some long-term guidelines that can assist you in approaching life in a calmer and more positive direction.
When anger happens, admit that you are angry, and release it – to an extent. Think moderation, and don’t keep it bottled inside.
Avoid overreaction by taking a step back. Remove yourself from the situation and ask yourself if someone else in your place would be reacting in the same manner. Look at the situation, too; is it really that bad that it’s worth getting all worked up about?
Try to think about something else when you feel that rush of anger. Hum a favorite song or recall a happy moment instead of giving some tailgating clown the one-fingered salute via your rearview mirror.
Identify the source of your anger, and try to deal with him or her directly in a peaceful and productive manner. Also listen carefully to what others have to say, and wait until they’re finished before you speak. It’s amazing how words get misconstrued just by jumping in too soon. Allowing the few extra moments for the other person to finish also gives you time to absorb what is being said and formulate an appropriate response.
There are a number of actions you can take to help channel your anger from an unpredictable and volatile problem into a controlled response framed by a new, more relaxed attitude. For instance, avoid blaming yourself, even if you feel that it is your mistake and your mistake alone. Make the best of a bad situation and learn from the experience instead. Check out how other people have handled the same problem; what coping mechanisms did they use?
Help release your anger and any residual tension by discovering outlets. Physical activities are a great way to blow off steam in a positive way and give you time to calm down and assess your situation. Find other outlets, such as tai chi, yoga, keeping a journal, relaxation therapy, meditation and deep-breathing exercises. Get in touch with your funny bone and learn to laugh at yourself. Not everything has to be three-piece-suit serious. Laugh and loosen that necktie a bit.
In terms of the people around you, learn to trust their abilities. Having faith in others takes a lot of tension and potential anger out of the equation. Also find those with whom you feel comfortable enough to confide in. They can provide support, a sympathetic ear, and a different perspective on your situation. And if you need more information, a wealth of resources, from books to community organizations to mental health associations, can provide more insight into how to deal with anger and anger control techniques.
Anger doesn’t have to stay inside. Nor does it have to translate into hurtful and vengeful actions. Learning to deal with anger as it happens and adopting some long-term strategies can go a long way in helping you manage the next time you feel your blood boiling. Although everyone feels angry at some time or another, by following these suggestions, you can take control of anger before it controls you.